With the conditions of modern life the stress is sometimes an inevitable consequence. The occasional stress is a warning to tell us “attention, danger…” and encourage us to react. But when it becomes chronic, it puts us in danger, because draws our energy.
And the impact of the stress on the marriage can be significant. So how to help a spouse subjected to chronic stress and how to avoid the tension within the couple?
Accept the stress of your other
If Your spouse says, “my boss stresses me” don’t reply with: “No, you take it too seriously!”. Instead, accept what the other one said, and let that be the first step to reducing tension.Your spouse will feel understood, and it will trigger a (slight) sense of well-being which is essential if you want to help.
If you try to counteract with the expression of his stress, he will tend to defend, “but my situation is very stressful!” and will anchor the stress even deeper.
Then continue by trying to understand why and how your partner is stressed. Imagine that stress is a big black ball. You should ask him, “I understand your boss stresses you, but what’s stressing you exactly?” and this big black ball can explode into smaller balls. For example: “He is always late to meetings.”; “He makes unpleasant remarks to the trainees.” “He does not listen when spoken to …”
The fact of externalizing various facet of stress makes it possible to evacuate part of it. Sharing it, gives off some of the stress … especially when one feels heard and understood.
Your husband or wife is stressed but does not tell you more. Do not insist on speaking about it, at the risk of increasing the stress more! Tell him simply: I understand that you’d rather not talk about it, but if at some point you need to, know that I am here for you. For some people, a family is a place of peace, and by importing the stress it will only spread in the living area where it was missing!
Relax, that can be expanded
Your partner is stressed, ask yourself a question: what can I do to help him/her relax without acting on the root cause of stress?
You can offer him/her a walk in nature. Nature is a powerful anti-stress. You can also offer to do sports. Go swimming or take a jog, it’s relaxing. Activate the sense of music: go to a choir, because singing is powerfully soothing or simply listen to some peaceful music, such as classical music. Offer to take up yoga, meditation, relaxation therapy …
Slacken body helps soothe the mind …
Acting on the root cause of the stress
Try to encourage him/her to change what can be changed. Where does this stress come from? And how to make it go away? Once you ask these questions, you will find all the possible answers. This may lead to thinking about changing jobs, training, the use of time … Here, it can often project into a longer-term project. This will not change the daily life immediately, but often knowing that there is a solution to a very stressful situation makes anxiety much lighter and bearable. And it can even completely solve the stress problem.
Some herbal teas and some plants can help to relax. These are only temporary solutions of course, but they are helpful.
One of the best solutions is psychotherapy. It allows us to respond with less stress to the same situation.
Be a source of peace, calmness and confidence and positive impulses for the other
- Be there, do all to understand, help find solutions, encourage …
- Know also how to bring him/her peace by words, compliments, encouragement, confidence.
- Give him/her positive gestures: hugs, tender gestures, massages, pass your hand through his/her hair, kiss him/her, or even take him/her in your arms for a slow dance.
- Give positive energy with attention, for the shared pleasant time.
- In short, create the happy couple, as it is an antidote to stress!